This list has been floating around the library for a while:
38 THINGS YOU'D LOVE TO SAY OUT LOUD AT WORK...
1. I can see your point, but I still think you're full of shit.
2. I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce.
3. How about never? Is never good for you?
4. I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
5. I'm really easy to get along with once you people learn to see it my way.
6. I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter.
7. I'm out of my mind, but please feel free to leave a message.
8. I don't work here. I'm a consultant.
9. It sounds like English, but I can't understand a damn word you're saying.
10. Ahhh... I see the screw-up fairy has visited us again.
11. I like you. You remind me of myself when I was young and stupid.
12. You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers.
13. I have plenty of talent and vision; I just don't give a damn.
14. I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.
15. I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you.
16. Thank you. We're all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view.
17. The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist.
18. Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental.
19. What am I? Flypaper for freaks?!?
20. I'm not being rude. You're just insignificant.
21. It's a thankless job, but I've got a lot of karma to burn off.
22. Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial.
23. And your crybaby, whiny-assed opinion would be?
24. Do I look like a people person?
25. This isn't an office. It's Hell with fluorescent lighting.
26. I started out with nothing and still have most of it left.
27. Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.
28. If I throw a stick, will you leave?
29. Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.
30. Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.
31. I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.
32. A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door.
33. Can I trade this job for what's behind door #1?
34. Too many freaks, not enough circuses.
35. Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it?
36. Chaos, panic, and disorder... my work here is done.
37. How do I set a laser printer to stun?
38. I thought I wanted a career; turns out I just wanted a salary.
Thursday, March 31, 2005
Wednesday, March 30, 2005
Horror help please!
I have a new project at work right now - I have to fill about three shelves in the horror section, as our collection is pretty woeful and I've been given some more space to play with it. Yay.
The problem is that I don't read horror. I actually actively avoid anything that might give me nightmares. So what I need is some suggestions of kick-ass horror books (paperback) that I can add to my list of books to buy. So if you have a favourite book or author (or a whole bunch of them) in the horror genre, please let me know and I'll see that if we don't already have them here, we will soon. Hopefully your astute suggestions will abet my bumbling around through amazon.com.
Thanks!
The problem is that I don't read horror. I actually actively avoid anything that might give me nightmares. So what I need is some suggestions of kick-ass horror books (paperback) that I can add to my list of books to buy. So if you have a favourite book or author (or a whole bunch of them) in the horror genre, please let me know and I'll see that if we don't already have them here, we will soon. Hopefully your astute suggestions will abet my bumbling around through amazon.com.
Thanks!
No! Please No!!
I just read a story that says that one of my least favourite Survivor contestants of all time might be in The Amazing Race next season. Please let it be false! I really don't want to see Rupert on my television screen EVER AGAIN!!
On a lighter note, my bus driver this morning on the way to work was not allowing anyone to pay. Free bus ride! Life is sweet!
On a lighter note, my bus driver this morning on the way to work was not allowing anyone to pay. Free bus ride! Life is sweet!
Sunday, March 27, 2005
Cultural high points of New York City
Way back in October, my friend Rita and her her husband met up with me for a couple of days in New York. Yes, we saw Central park, a Broadway show, some really huge cathedral, and other fun stuff, but really - how can you top this?
Saturday, March 26, 2005
Britney's book - Chapter one
I just started reading "A Mother's Gift" this morning and made it halfway through chapter 2. Wow, this book sucks. But maybe I'm being too judgemental. There are differing opinions - I, for one, quite like Barry Ballpoint's review on amazon.com:
Superlative, Erudite, Inspired, Quintessential Magnum Opus, October 11, 2001
Reviewer: Barry Ballpoint "captainreflection"
Who could have imagined that Britney Spears and her Mommy are in possession of literary skills comparable to William Faulkner, Virginia Woolf, James Joyce, John Dos Passos, and Marcel Proust combined? Flitting effortlessly from allegory worthy of Dante and Homer, to farce reminiscent of Waugh, Twain and Thurber, and back again to weltschmerz and pathos no worse than Gogol or Du Maurrier, this roller coaster ride visits the picaresque meadows, the sesquipedalian supermarket, the portmanteau prominade, and the Magister Ludi malt shop without ever stopping for fries and chili beans. For those uninitiated in the arcane, the oblique, or the obtuse, or have not spent time in French Sidewalk Cafes pretending they are speaking to Sartre' while he was scribbling notes for "Being and Nothingness" with one hand, and slurping expresso with the other, I have a suggestion. I would respectfully suggest you work your way up to this Sacred Level of Mount Literati, and the Polymaths who await you there, crosslegged, like Tibetan Monks, mentally x-raying your brainal jello-loaf, divining your comprehension, probing ..... *whew*, where was I?...and read "Why I Wish I Had a Pony" by Christina Aguilara first. I believe this work will prepare you for the larger project ahead courtesy of the Spears Roebuck Authorial team. Don't forget to pack at least 3 boxes of Kleenex (preferrably with that new vaseline coating so you don't chap up from all the blubbering), and keep some sort of dog or cat nearby in case you need to pet something furry in mid-read. There seems to be no question now that Britney and her Mommy have displaced Jewel as the greatest writer of her generation.
Superlative, Erudite, Inspired, Quintessential Magnum Opus, October 11, 2001
Reviewer: Barry Ballpoint "captainreflection"
Who could have imagined that Britney Spears and her Mommy are in possession of literary skills comparable to William Faulkner, Virginia Woolf, James Joyce, John Dos Passos, and Marcel Proust combined? Flitting effortlessly from allegory worthy of Dante and Homer, to farce reminiscent of Waugh, Twain and Thurber, and back again to weltschmerz and pathos no worse than Gogol or Du Maurrier, this roller coaster ride visits the picaresque meadows, the sesquipedalian supermarket, the portmanteau prominade, and the Magister Ludi malt shop without ever stopping for fries and chili beans. For those uninitiated in the arcane, the oblique, or the obtuse, or have not spent time in French Sidewalk Cafes pretending they are speaking to Sartre' while he was scribbling notes for "Being and Nothingness" with one hand, and slurping expresso with the other, I have a suggestion. I would respectfully suggest you work your way up to this Sacred Level of Mount Literati, and the Polymaths who await you there, crosslegged, like Tibetan Monks, mentally x-raying your brainal jello-loaf, divining your comprehension, probing ..... *whew*, where was I?...and read "Why I Wish I Had a Pony" by Christina Aguilara first. I believe this work will prepare you for the larger project ahead courtesy of the Spears Roebuck Authorial team. Don't forget to pack at least 3 boxes of Kleenex (preferrably with that new vaseline coating so you don't chap up from all the blubbering), and keep some sort of dog or cat nearby in case you need to pet something furry in mid-read. There seems to be no question now that Britney and her Mommy have displaced Jewel as the greatest writer of her generation.
Funny, funny play!
Thanks the the lovely people at Philly Fun Guide, I got half-price tickets to The Big Bang, one of the best theatre experiences I've had so far this year.
The complete history of the world in 80 minutes (with canapes), the musical had me in tears I was laughing so hard. And I'll never look at a potato the same way again.
If you get a chance, go see it for yourself!
The complete history of the world in 80 minutes (with canapes), the musical had me in tears I was laughing so hard. And I'll never look at a potato the same way again.
If you get a chance, go see it for yourself!
Wednesday, March 23, 2005
Cute Books
As part of my job (really, they pay me to do this) I get to read and review new teen books. This week I've read Sarah Mlynowski's "Bras and Broomsticks," which is really cute. It's light and fluffy and a ton of fun to read. And it has a witch! I'm a sucker for stories with magic.
I'm also in the middle of reading "Who's Your Daddy," by Lynda Sandoval. I'm only about 1/3 of the way through, but I'm really enjoying it.
Finally, sitting on my "to be read" shelf is "A Mother's Gift," by Britney and Lynne Spears. I have no desire to read this book. I'm hoping it magically disappears before I have to get to it. None of the teens I've tried to foist it of on want to read it either. Guess Britney isn't that big anymore!
I'm also in the middle of reading "Who's Your Daddy," by Lynda Sandoval. I'm only about 1/3 of the way through, but I'm really enjoying it.
Finally, sitting on my "to be read" shelf is "A Mother's Gift," by Britney and Lynne Spears. I have no desire to read this book. I'm hoping it magically disappears before I have to get to it. None of the teens I've tried to foist it of on want to read it either. Guess Britney isn't that big anymore!
Monday, March 21, 2005
More Gates Pictures
Here are Jen's pics of our New York trip, including a brief stop in Strawberry Fields to see the John Lennon memorial. For some strange reason I actually turned out photogenic in a lot of these pictures. This is a very rare occurance, so enjoy it while you can!
Saturday, March 19, 2005
Ultimate Cheese
Since one of the the arduous tasks I have at work is reading the "Romantic Times" magazine (for the book reviews, people!), I have been seeing ads for the tv show "Mr. Romance. Hosted by Fabio, it is a reality show/beauty contest for half naked guys, with the prize being a cover model contract with Harlequin.
It's on the Oxygen channel, so if you're looking for some scantily clad men on tv for a change, this might be the show for you. You know I'm watching it!
One caveat: one of the guys reminds me of Jonathan from "The Amazing Race 6" so I hate him already!
It's on the Oxygen channel, so if you're looking for some scantily clad men on tv for a change, this might be the show for you. You know I'm watching it!
One caveat: one of the guys reminds me of Jonathan from "The Amazing Race 6" so I hate him already!
Friday, March 18, 2005
It's Spring!
Yes it is, and you want to kow why? Not because the weather is lovely, but because the fruit carts are beginning to reappear on the streets of Philadelphia.
Fruit carts are one of the more wonderful things in this city. We have Chinese food carts, hot dog carts, falafel carts, and cheesesteak carts, of course. But we also have fresh fruit carts. For $2 - $3.50 you get fresh cantaloupe, honeydew, strawberries, pineapple, and mango - along with a banana for dessert. Imagine, one of the fattest cities in the country, and yet you can get this on pretty much any corner in Center City.
I had my first fruit salad of the season today for lunch, which I have documented below. Hello, spring!
Fruit carts are one of the more wonderful things in this city. We have Chinese food carts, hot dog carts, falafel carts, and cheesesteak carts, of course. But we also have fresh fruit carts. For $2 - $3.50 you get fresh cantaloupe, honeydew, strawberries, pineapple, and mango - along with a banana for dessert. Imagine, one of the fattest cities in the country, and yet you can get this on pretty much any corner in Center City.
I had my first fruit salad of the season today for lunch, which I have documented below. Hello, spring!
Thursday, March 17, 2005
A whole new me!
I just got my new business cards. I am now a "librarian/genre specialist." I love inventing new titles for myself, and it's even better when I can get the powers-that-be to go along with them!
You Can't Do That on Television!
Remember this? Take a look here to see the opening of this seminal Canadian show.
Also, ever since discovering Retrojunk, I've had the theme song to the Inspector Gadget cartoon going through my head. Argh. Get it out!
Tuesday, March 15, 2005
Product Plug
I discovered Organic Valley Chocolate Milk about a year ago. This is the best chocolate milk in the world.
Tastes like fudgesicles. Yum. Highly addictive. If you can get it, buy it!
Ha!
Older Siblings Smarter, Norwegian Study Shows
OSLO (Reuters) - First born children in Norway get better education and as adults are more successful in the job market than younger siblings, a Norwegian-U.S. study showed.
"It is the birth order and not necessarily the size of the family that is important," said economics professor Kjell Salvanes of the Norwegian School of Economics and Business Administration. "It is better if you are the first born." Salvanes and two colleagues from the University of California, Los Angeles (UCLA) based their study on census data of Norwegians born between 1912 and 1975.
The findings will be published in the Quarterly Journal of Economics, a Harvard publication, in May.
They found that younger siblings tend to get less schooling than their elders and then end up with lower pay on average and were more likely to be in part-time work, Salvanes said. The findings were likely to hold true in other countries, he said.
"In terms of educational attainment, if you are the fourth born instead of the first, you get almost one year less education, and that is quite a lot," Salvanes told Reuters.
And first-born children tend to weigh more at birth than their younger brothers and sisters, which is a good predictor for educational success, Salvanes said.
Children alone with two adults also tend to get more intellectual stimulation than children in large families who get less parental attention, he said.
First-born children seem to learn from teaching their younger siblings, contrary to the common notion that younger children benefit by learning from their elders, Salvanes said.
So does that mean big sisters really are smarter?
"Yes. It's hard to admit because I have older sisters," Salvanes said.
OSLO (Reuters) - First born children in Norway get better education and as adults are more successful in the job market than younger siblings, a Norwegian-U.S. study showed.
"It is the birth order and not necessarily the size of the family that is important," said economics professor Kjell Salvanes of the Norwegian School of Economics and Business Administration. "It is better if you are the first born." Salvanes and two colleagues from the University of California, Los Angeles (UCLA) based their study on census data of Norwegians born between 1912 and 1975.
The findings will be published in the Quarterly Journal of Economics, a Harvard publication, in May.
They found that younger siblings tend to get less schooling than their elders and then end up with lower pay on average and were more likely to be in part-time work, Salvanes said. The findings were likely to hold true in other countries, he said.
"In terms of educational attainment, if you are the fourth born instead of the first, you get almost one year less education, and that is quite a lot," Salvanes told Reuters.
And first-born children tend to weigh more at birth than their younger brothers and sisters, which is a good predictor for educational success, Salvanes said.
Children alone with two adults also tend to get more intellectual stimulation than children in large families who get less parental attention, he said.
First-born children seem to learn from teaching their younger siblings, contrary to the common notion that younger children benefit by learning from their elders, Salvanes said.
So does that mean big sisters really are smarter?
"Yes. It's hard to admit because I have older sisters," Salvanes said.
Sunday, March 13, 2005
Sometimes you just hate a book...
I picked up Total Surrender by Cheryl Holt because I was intrigued by the plot description, and the fact that I enjoyed the basic plot of the story kept me reading even though I was tempted to hurl the book away from me in disgust by the writing style many times.
Two major issues marred the book for me: Firstly, it seems like Cheryl Holt sat down to write this book with her trusty thesaurus next to her so she could look up the longest words possible for every adjective and adverb and to make sure she never used the same word twice. Unfortunately, if that was not bad enough, I don't think some of the words she chose mean what she thinks they mean. I'm pretty sure a phallus does not "dilate" even harder, in the context she was using the word. And "enervate" is not the same as "excite." The floridity of the prose - the choice of words meant to impress with length and quantity, if not meaning or appropriateness - made reading this book painful. I felt that I should have had a red pen and edited as I went.
Secondly, I was shocked at the sex scenes. No, not because they were there and graphic - I love erotica. I was shocked at the contempt the author seemed to feel for physical expressions of sexuality. She peppers her descriptions with words such as "degrading" and "aberrant" and "sin". Almost every encounter, be it between the hero and heroine or observed actions of other characters, seems to be portrayed at some point in a negative light. I was left with the feeling that Cheryl Holt doesn't really like sex at all, or at least has a massive guilt complex about it. When I pick up a sensual book I want there to be some joy in the telling. This left me cold.
Two major issues marred the book for me: Firstly, it seems like Cheryl Holt sat down to write this book with her trusty thesaurus next to her so she could look up the longest words possible for every adjective and adverb and to make sure she never used the same word twice. Unfortunately, if that was not bad enough, I don't think some of the words she chose mean what she thinks they mean. I'm pretty sure a phallus does not "dilate" even harder, in the context she was using the word. And "enervate" is not the same as "excite." The floridity of the prose - the choice of words meant to impress with length and quantity, if not meaning or appropriateness - made reading this book painful. I felt that I should have had a red pen and edited as I went.
Secondly, I was shocked at the sex scenes. No, not because they were there and graphic - I love erotica. I was shocked at the contempt the author seemed to feel for physical expressions of sexuality. She peppers her descriptions with words such as "degrading" and "aberrant" and "sin". Almost every encounter, be it between the hero and heroine or observed actions of other characters, seems to be portrayed at some point in a negative light. I was left with the feeling that Cheryl Holt doesn't really like sex at all, or at least has a massive guilt complex about it. When I pick up a sensual book I want there to be some joy in the telling. This left me cold.
Thursday, March 10, 2005
Gadgets, part deux
Dateline: Canada
While I am stuck in the house waiting for all my clothes to go through the wash (I did a terrible packing job, resulting in my running out of socks, pants, and tops), I will share with you funny stuff about my favourite pet substitute: The Roomba
Sars, from Television Without Pity (best television website ever!) has written some truly hilarious stuff about our favourite vacuum bug. Part One: A Roomba of One's Own, Part Two: Viva La Roombalución!
While I am stuck in the house waiting for all my clothes to go through the wash (I did a terrible packing job, resulting in my running out of socks, pants, and tops), I will share with you funny stuff about my favourite pet substitute: The Roomba
Sars, from Television Without Pity (best television website ever!) has written some truly hilarious stuff about our favourite vacuum bug. Part One: A Roomba of One's Own, Part Two: Viva La Roombalución!
Sunday, March 06, 2005
Hiatus
Dena's Brain is going on a little hiatus. My grandfather just died, so I'm in Calgary right now for the funeral. I'll be back to being funny again when I'm back home. Have a good week, all.
Saturday, March 05, 2005
Gadget girl shops again
Hi, your friendly neighborhood gadget girl here. Yesterday I bought a nifty gadget for my kitchen. It's called the Buttermate.
It stores a stick of butter and measures it out in teaspoon and tablespoon and sliver increments without me having to use a knife or touch the butter with my fingers. I tried it out and it works great - no more bits of butter in wax paper floating around my fridge anymore, just this handy gadget.
And even better, it was on sale! I was going to get it online, but then I saw that the cheapest online store was Fante's, which is actually only about a ten minute walk from where I live, so I wandered over to the Italian Market and picked it up for $5.50. A deal and exercise all in one shot.
It stores a stick of butter and measures it out in teaspoon and tablespoon and sliver increments without me having to use a knife or touch the butter with my fingers. I tried it out and it works great - no more bits of butter in wax paper floating around my fridge anymore, just this handy gadget.
And even better, it was on sale! I was going to get it online, but then I saw that the cheapest online store was Fante's, which is actually only about a ten minute walk from where I live, so I wandered over to the Italian Market and picked it up for $5.50. A deal and exercise all in one shot.
Thursday, March 03, 2005
World Book Day - UK Edition
It's World Book Day! But not throughout the whole world at all! Yes, UNESCO has declared April 23 World Book Day, but in the UK they just can't wait and are celebrating today
In honour of our overeager neighbors across the pond, here are my recommendations of books by UK authors. They're all great, so go out and read them.
The Eyre Affair, by Jasper Fforde
The first in the Thursday Next series. In an alternate 1985, Thursday must stop the third most evil man in the world from doing away with the hero of Jane Eyre. Dodos, cricket, time-travel, literary characters, and the Crimean War. Is it a mystery? A satire? Science fiction? Literate? Really, really funny? Yes!
The Wee Free Men, by Terry Pratchett
The first in a new series of books set in the Discworld. Aimed at young readers, this begins the adventures of Tiffany Aching - 9 years old and wielding a fearsome frying pan - and the Pictsies. Written (presumably) for children, but just as funny for adults.
Watermelon, by Marian Keyes
On the day Claire's baby is born, her husband leaves her for another woman. Suprisingly, this is a very funny romantic comedy. I'm sensing a trend here. I really like funny books.
The Golden Compass, by Philip Pullman
This book begins a trilogy that makes Harry Potter look like a pre-school bedtime story. Dark, imaginative, disturbing, and beautifully written.
Talking to Addison, by Jenny Colgan
Holly moves to a new flat and promptly develops a crush on her computer nerd roomate who never leaves his room. Ths book has the funniest hospital scene I've ever read.
I have tons more, but I have to save some for the actual worldwide World Book Day. Happy Reading!
In honour of our overeager neighbors across the pond, here are my recommendations of books by UK authors. They're all great, so go out and read them.
The Eyre Affair, by Jasper Fforde
The first in the Thursday Next series. In an alternate 1985, Thursday must stop the third most evil man in the world from doing away with the hero of Jane Eyre. Dodos, cricket, time-travel, literary characters, and the Crimean War. Is it a mystery? A satire? Science fiction? Literate? Really, really funny? Yes!
The Wee Free Men, by Terry Pratchett
The first in a new series of books set in the Discworld. Aimed at young readers, this begins the adventures of Tiffany Aching - 9 years old and wielding a fearsome frying pan - and the Pictsies. Written (presumably) for children, but just as funny for adults.
Watermelon, by Marian Keyes
On the day Claire's baby is born, her husband leaves her for another woman. Suprisingly, this is a very funny romantic comedy. I'm sensing a trend here. I really like funny books.
The Golden Compass, by Philip Pullman
This book begins a trilogy that makes Harry Potter look like a pre-school bedtime story. Dark, imaginative, disturbing, and beautifully written.
Talking to Addison, by Jenny Colgan
Holly moves to a new flat and promptly develops a crush on her computer nerd roomate who never leaves his room. Ths book has the funniest hospital scene I've ever read.
I have tons more, but I have to save some for the actual worldwide World Book Day. Happy Reading!
Wednesday, March 02, 2005
Who needs a tropical beach...
...when you can get some colour from standing in front of the new Walt Disney Concert Hall. As reported in Boing Boing, Frank Gehry's building fries pedestrians, eggs with solar death ray. Also, yet another Gates reference.
Tuesday, March 01, 2005
Anatomy of a Phrase
Head on over to Mind Hacks: better to light a candle? for a lovely discourse on why precisely you shouldn't light a candle.
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